10 Painful Lies Cebuano Moms Tell Their Children

Do you still remember how you’d wake up expecting to eat at Jollibee?
Posted on: Tuesday, July 7, 2015

Being a parent means having to lie to your kids, especially when you’re not so financially stable. And being a kid means we always believe what our moms say. Here are some painful lies that our Cebuano moms tell us:


1. “Mangadto ‘ta og Jollibee inig mata nimo.”

“Take your siesta ’cause when you wake up, we’ll go to Jollibee.”

jollibee party kids lie

Oh, the single thought of Chicken Joy will make you drool. Oh, the horror of waking up and then turns out Mama said it’s a lie. T_T


2. “Di ka moeskwela? Ipadakop tika’s pulis!”

“It’s a crime to not go to school so the police will apprehend you!”

pulis cebuano lie

What a terrible scare tactic. One of my greatest fears is to be locked up in a cell along with rapists and murderers and Napoles, just for not going to school. *Crying intensifies*


3. “Sige, ayaw na tambali imong samad, mogawas jud ang paring way ulo!”

“Why is a headless priest residing in my wound in the first place?”

Star Cinema
Star Cinema

And then Mom would apply kamunggay (moringa) poultice on the wound or worse, alcohol! OUCH!!!


4. “Ayaw na tunla ang liso kay mutubo na sud sa imong tiyan!”


Might as well grow a garden inside my belly. And if you’re eating bubble gum, it might tie itself around your intestines!


5. “Ayaw’g palit anang ice cream kay hinimo na’s sip-on!”

“Why would manoy add mucus to my ice cream? Is he as desperate as those who sell fake rice?”


And that’s why sorbetes is called dirty ice cream.


6. “Sulod na diri’s balay kay alas 6 na. Manggawas na’ng di ingon nato!”

Di Ingon 'Nato FIlm | grabbed from Youtube
Di Ingon ‘Nato FIlm | grabbed from Youtube

And that’s our curfew — some invisible monsters appear at around 6 PM, when the radio stations play the Angelus. “The angel of the Lord declared unto Mary…”


7. “Patuli para mutubo ka! Kanang injection mura ra na’g paak sa hulmigas!”

operation tuli
Dolores Online facebook page

Ahhh, tuli, the rite of passage to manhood. You’re never a man until you’re circumcised. Mom said that needle thingy hurts just like an ant bite. Oh, how wrong she is!


8. “Ayaw’g dagan kay bag-o pa ka nikaon. Basig ma-appendix ka!”

via surgery.answers.com
via surgery.answers.com

Oh, you mean appendicitis, Mom? Never really has a clear cause as to what causes this inflammation.


9. “Oo, palitan ra tika anang duwaan inig sunod natong ari.”

“Oh, so you like that toy? We’ll buy that when we go back here tomorrow.”

transformers shopping mall toy

And then we never went back to SM until her promise was forgotten. I just wanted that robot that can walk and has guns inside his body!


10. “Ma, asa si Papa?” “Nalumos sa sabaw.”

“If Papa drowned in a bowl of soup, then he’s a really tiny man.”

game of thrones

Oo, dong, anak ka’s liking kawayan. Agay!


Sure, you can call them white lies, but I’m still hurt why Mom would lie about Jollibee!



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