Being a parent means having to lie to your kids, especially when you’re not so financially stable. And being a kid means we always believe what our moms say. Here are some painful lies that our Cebuano moms tell us:
“Take your siesta ’cause when you wake up, we’ll go to Jollibee.”
Oh, the single thought of Chicken Joy will make you drool. Oh, the horror of waking up and then turns out Mama said it’s a lie. T_T
“It’s a crime to not go to school so the police will apprehend you!”
What a terrible scare tactic. One of my greatest fears is to be locked up in a cell along with rapists and murderers and Napoles, just for not going to school. *Crying intensifies*
“Why is a headless priest residing in my wound in the first place?”
And then Mom would apply kamunggay (moringa) poultice on the wound or worse, alcohol! OUCH!!!
Might as well grow a garden inside my belly. And if you’re eating bubble gum, it might tie itself around your intestines!
“Why would manoy add mucus to my ice cream? Is he as desperate as those who sell fake rice?”
And that’s why sorbetes is called dirty ice cream.
And that’s our curfew — some invisible monsters appear at around 6 PM, when the radio stations play the Angelus. “The angel of the Lord declared unto Mary…”
Ahhh, tuli, the rite of passage to manhood. You’re never a man until you’re circumcised. Mom said that needle thingy hurts just like an ant bite. Oh, how wrong she is!
Oh, you mean appendicitis, Mom? Never really has a clear cause as to what causes this inflammation.
“Oh, so you like that toy? We’ll buy that when we go back here tomorrow.”
And then we never went back to SM until her promise was forgotten. I just wanted that robot that can walk and has guns inside his body!
“If Papa drowned in a bowl of soup, then he’s a really tiny man.”
Oo, dong, anak ka’s liking kawayan. Agay!